A scanty month dominated by another bout of Depression. In fact a week of recovery at the beginning June has only punctuated an episode which began in May and from which I am far from recovered. The problem in writing about Depression is that it is miserably re-iterative, solipsistic and impossible to make interesting. Depression is a state of complete negativity – not feeling, not thinking, not doing and not being. It is absence and silence. So I will pass over it and note those few things of interest which have occurred this month. (more…)
Posts Tagged ‘gibbon’
Now that I have settled in here and put all the essential posts in the February archive, I will produce something a bit more current. Or catch up with lost months of December and January anyway. Lost of course to Depression. It has been a very bad eight months. Since July only October was wholly untouched by illness, though November was good until the last week. Why this new turn? Looking at my records since July 2006 I have only 3 months with sub-4 mood ratings and none of those were below 3. But since July 2008 I have had 4 sub-4 and 3-sub 3 (which means pretty severe depression). What is even worse is that I have no good explanation. Maybe it was doing too much public and social activity. But I think it maybe means that I need a medication change!
Anyway a lengthy and severe bout of Depression always leads to re-assessment; to thoughts of mortality and futurity, of how I should spend that time I do have; of the parlous state of sanity and so on. Not that I reach any new or different conclusions. But I am certainly reminded of just how fragile a state my ‘normal’ one is.
One new feature of this bout was that I found that, even when fairly severely depressed, I was on occasion able to read some serious books. (more…)